Ten things you don’t want to happen on your first day back in 2008.

 1. You find that your hard drive has been taken away to be copied by Office Services so that your brand new computer can be installed upon your return from the holiday break, complete with all your files and set-up materials. Yes, your hard drive is gone.
 2. On your desk is a note that spells your name wrong and has indecipherable information on it, including strange IP addresses and log-in information that is unfamiliar to you.
 3. On your screen is a message that tells you that you have no boot drive.
 4. You call the help desk and they are shocked to find out that you’re back on January 2. They are sending a man in fifteen minutes!
 5. Charles shows up. He has your boot drive. He tells you that he will be “out of your hair in ten minutes.”
 6. 45 minutes later, Charles is entering information on your sign-in screen. He is still being denied access to the network, which means no email. Charles is a large and handsome man, and occupation of your desk while he is there is neither possible nor advisable.
 7. An hour has passed. You are beginning to wonder why you came in on the Wednesday after New Year’s anyhow.
 8. Charles tells you that “your account was inadvertently eliminated from the system” during the removal of the hard drive and must be re-instated.” You ask Charles whether that means all of your personal and professional data is gone, too. He says no. You do not believe him.
 9. You sit down at your assistant’s desk and begin a blog posting entitled “Ten Things You Don’t Want To Happen on Your First Day Back in 2008.”
 10. And, you know, that’s what you’re doing right now.