1. Perform an appendectomy, if you are qualified to do so.
2. Preheat oven to 425 degrees. Remove a Stouffers mini-lasagna from the freezer. Take off the plastic film from the top. Cook thoroughly. Serve with a proud but inexpensive Zinfandel.
3. Watch the latest episode of your favorite network television program that you previously downloaded, free of commercial interruption.
4. Doze, being careful not to allow cell phone to drop too far from your ear (see picture).
5. Take a nice, long shower. NOTE: Do NOT take cellular implement directly into the flow of water (unless wait time has eradicated will to live).
6. View every single video on YouTube that features a talking cat.
7. Realize phone charger is in Los Angeles! Only one bar left now! Drive to Verizon store and purchase new one (sixth charger to be bought in 2009-10 time frame). Return home, plug in phone. Now tethered to wall, read entire current IKEA catalog, then cruise web looking for agreement among economists.
8. Listen to multiple announcements from the Jet Blue virtual cyber-operator announcing they have changed their reservation system, which is the reason for the call in the first place. This message alternates with one that states, “You have questions? We have answers!” As the repetition of this message reaches double-digit proportions, the voice articulating this boast seems to become increasingly infused with irony, until after a while it seems to be positively dripping with sarcasm.
9. Consider hanging up and bagging the whole deal. Realize this cannot be done. Contemplate the myth of free will.
10. Write blog.
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