I guess we all understand Brexit now. The way it looks from this vantage point, the stiff-upper-lip, dry-bottomed, ultra-crispy former representatives of the Empire upon which the sun never set (until it did) weren’t paying attention, and the guys who riot at soccer games took control of the voting booth.
This deranged development shows that today the improbable can trump the conceivable. So why not think bigger? Why not start contemplating a move for those of us who are fed up with this place altogether? Let’s slip these surly bonds and make a global exit. Call it Glexit. Before you dismiss the concept, consider the pros and cons.
PRO: We can do it. Elon Musk is already preparing to die on Mars. Maybe we can too. It beats going to Canada with Ruth Bader Ginsburg.
PRO: The earth has a lot of problems. I think we can all agree that for the most part it’s badly run and likely to be managed even worse in the near term. Why not start over?
PRO: It’s very costly to live here. Any other planet is likely to be cheaper. We could also mandate free stuff, like complimentary wireless. I always enjoy a hotel that provides that.
PRO: It’s getting warmer. Miami is going to be underwater by 2030. Polar bears are toast. And New York City in August is intolerable. A new planet might be a lot cooler.
PRO: It’s too crowded here: Did you know that there are now 75 million millennials running around Instagramming and Snapchatting and sexting and stuff? They can have this planet as far as I’m concerned.
PRO: Finding affordable housing is becoming impossible. It’s ridiculous. Places where it used to be too dangerous to live are now the exclusive realm of people whose bicycles are more expensive than my first car.
PRO: Mass immigration on earth is making people think and say stupid stuff. If we Glexit, we’ll all be immi- grants to the new Glex, which will make things simpler for all Glexonians.
PRO: It will be a startup. If Marc Andreessen comes with us, we could monetize the hell out of it later.
There are, of course, some issues.
CON: As good as it sounds, we really have no idea how to Glexit. Rockets capable of reliable mass transport are a few years away, at least. But to be fair, Brexit isn’t going to happen in a day either. This is all about declaring our intentions—and then negotiating a killer exit package.
CON: And we don’t have a real destination yet. The key word here is “yet.” The universe is a very big place. I hear there’s cheese on the moon.
CON: We do get certain things from our planet that are hard to replace. Atmosphere, for instance. And roads. Cheeseburgers. Plans will need to be put forth to replace those things plus some others. Medical facilities, maybe. Currency. Does Bitcoin work in outer space?
For more on outer space, watch this Coins2Day video:
CON: No leadership. I don’t see that as a problem. You create a vacuum, and history shows that some clown will fill it. Even Boris Johnson has just accepted a new post—Minister of Silly Hairstyles, I believe it was—in the new Brovernment.
CON: No cable. But that’s okay. I’m sure we’ll have Netflix (NFLX).
Glexit! It’s an idea whose time has come. Sure, some will contend it’s a harebrained scheme. But don’t listen to the naysayers. For those determined to do the thoroughly inadvisable, anything is possible if you put your lack of mind to it.
A version of this article appears in the August 1, 2016 issue of Coins2Day with the headline “Brexit? Pshaw! It’s Time For a ‘Glexit’.”