Watch out, employers: Rather than risking unemployment, workers are emotionally checking out to cope with sticking it out—and TikTok’s coined the concept “d ate them till you hate them.”
Driven by a stagnating labor market and growing fears around job security, workers are now clinging to roles they’ve outgrown. And just like how people stay in unfulfilling romantic relationships (allowing resentment to build so that when the inevitable breakup happens, they’re already over it and ready to move on), this trend is seeing workers doing the same in the jobs they’re currently stuck in.
“In general, we’re seeing this trend more with Gen Z than other generations—the same as for job hugging,” Annie Rosencrans, director of people and culture at HiBob, an HR platform focused on modern work told Coins2Day. “There’s a reluctance to leave jobs right now because of the state of the market; so even in the unhappiest of workplace circumstances, Gen Z is feeling the need to stay put.”
And it’s leading to a sort of cabin fever at the workplace. “As workers move down the scale toward disliking or even hating their jobs, they become more disengaged and demotivated,” Rosencrans warned. “No one feels motivated to perform at a high level when there’s a job, company, or manager they’re not excited about—or especially one they strongly dislike.”
Toxic relationship habits are shaking up the workforce
The “date them till you hate them” trend isn’t the only toxic relationship tactic to trickle its way into the workplace. Another popular disengagement response to the job market is ghosting.
Similar to a bad date, they’re not showing up for job interviews without as much as a phone call.
Employment website Indeed surveyed 1,500 businesses and 1,500 U.K. Workers and found that job ghosting is rife, with 75% of workers saying they’ve ignored a prospective employer in the past year.
Others are “career catfishing”, going as far as to accept a job offer and then not show up, with 21% doing so on a dare. Others admit they “just weren’t feeling it.”
But the act isn’t completely one-sided, as job prospects have been known to be ghosted after multiple rounds of interviews. In fact, ghosting has gotten so bad for job seekers that countries like Canada have stepped in for legal intervention.
And young workers are so exhausted of keeping up, that they’ve also been “quiet quitting” or doing “bare minimum Mondays”.
Employees are disengaged more now than ever—here’s how employers could cope
Disengagement is being led by stagnant wages, rising living costs and a lack of hiring, with workers feeling like they’re better off being unhappily locked into one gig until they’re let go.
And the cost to the economy is staggering, to the tune of $8.8 to $8.9 trillion annually, or about 9% of global GDP. In 2024 alone, Gallup estimates that lost productivity from disengaged workers reached $438 billion.
One of the best ways employers could turn it around is by proactively asking young staff members what they can do to help.
“If a manager or HR team senses this is occurring, it’s important for them to step in and try to find the root of the issue,” Rosencrans said. “Setting up a one-to-one meeting to get a pulse check on the employee is an important first step.”
“They should ask that person directly how they’re feeling, what they’d like to work on that’s different, their ideas for making the team culture more exciting or rewarding, and their ideas for what they can do to create a better support system,” she added. “From there, the manager has actionable insights and must act more than just listen.”
Even when budgets are tight and hiring isn’t a focus, Rosencrans stressed that companies should still be putting an emphasis on workplace experience. “Not only does this lead to better engagement, but it also creates happier and more loyal employees for the long-term.”