After a historic night of “firsts” for women in Tuesday’s elections—Virginia’s first female governor; the first Muslim woman elected to statewide office in Virginia; an all-women transition team in NYC; and Detroit electing its first woman mayor—it didn’t surprise me that the very next day brought a New York Times headline asking, “Did Women Ruin the Workplace?” (Later softened to “Did Liberal Feminism Ruin the Workplace?”).
TL;DR
- Women in leadership are often judged by male standards, overlooking their experience and unique skills.
- The focus should shift from expecting women to adapt to redefining workplace norms and expectations.
- True change involves hiring, retaining, and advancing more women at all organizational levels.
- Supporting women in leadership requires building systems like mentorship and peer connections.
Upon my appointment as the first female commissioner of the New York City Fire Department, and its youngest in over 100 years, many reports focused on the “first.” They also highlighted my differences from male leaders, yet overlooked my extensive experience that they didn't possess.
We continue to view women in leadership roles as anomalies, evaluating them against standards designed for men. The real issue isn't if a “perfect” woman can adapt to existing norms; it's about our readiness to redefine those norms.
Consider the FDNY. The visual is a classic: a powerfully built firefighter entering a blazing structure, rescuing individuals. This is undeniably a component of the job—and it always will be. Nevertheless, the overwhelming majority of our city's emergency responses pertain to intricate situations, many of which are medical emergencies. Across the nation, only about 4% of calls are fire-related—a figure that mirrors NYC's situation. Daily, the FDNY addresses cardiac arrests, overdoses, and mental health crises; they calm distressed families; and they orchestrate inter-agency efforts. What many dismiss as “soft” abilities are, in fact, essential hard skills for the mission. Although the Commissioner's role is executive, not that of a frontline responder, I frequently faced questions about wearing a suit instead of a uniform, or was mistaken for a spouse rather than the leader.
In New York City, women comprise less than 2% of the firefighting force. Yes, you heard correctly: Less than two out of every hundred firefighters are women. Furthermore, even these modest figures represent a historical peak, a result of recent initiatives in recruitment, training, and retention, though significant challenges remain.
So I know a little something about walking into rooms that weren’t built with you in mind. For women—especially those who are Black or brown, queer or trans, disabled, or immigrants—the unspoken choice is familiar: conform and be accused of not doing enough, or push for change and be labeled a “troublemaker”or “not a culture fit.”
Let me be candid: it's profoundly isolating to be “the only.” Not only due to a scarcity of colleagues, but also the perpetual doubt regarding your credentials and the extent to which you can “allowed” your authentic self.
Evidence supports this. When women lead, they're perceived as capable but less personable; when they exhibit empathy, they're well-liked but viewed as less skilled.
What needs to change
So how do we change the rules?
First, be honest about the job. When leaders are clear about what success actually requires—empathy plus expertise, composure plus courage—we widen the opportunities for who gets seen as “right for it.” That’s not lowering standards; it’s aligning them with the reality of the work. A wider pool means stronger competition.
Furthermore, women's actual life experiences are not “baggage.”. What is seen as “character-building”—decisions made, successes and failures, firm beliefs—in a male individual is frequently viewed as a disadvantage for women. We examine the “perfect” woman too closely because limited options create nearly legendary expectations for every female applicant.
Instead of aiming for a perfect woman in leadership, the goal should be to have more women at all organizational tiers—hiring, keeping, and advancing them—making a woman in charge a common sight. This ensures a variety of female leadership approaches suited to different roles and difficulties. Decades of studies demonstrate that women in leadership roles boost productivity, foster teamwork, cultivate organizational commitment, and lead to better results for all.
The upcoming election presents a clear path: elect more women to leadership roles and allow them to implement their plans. This societal change proves advantageous for everyone, fostering more robust and prosperous communities and professional environments.
Ultimately, we need to construct support systems, not isolated units. Mentorship, sponsorship, peer connections, and leadership development serve as the foundational elements that endure.
Being the sole woman in a male-dominated profession can lead to isolation as a means of self-preservation. From the outset, I was advised against conversing with other women in the presence of men, as it would be perceived as plotting, with negative consequences. How can we effectively attract and keep women under such conditions? At the Women inPower Fellowship hosted by 92NY’s Belfer Center for Innovation & Social Impact, I discovered an environment where I could openly discuss challenges and still be respected.
During last month’s Women inPower Summit, it was clear how much power and energy are unleashed when women from different fields share their experiences. My fellowship group still serves as my support network, and we motivate each other to speak candidly to better the journey not only for ourselves but also for the women who will follow.
If you're among the “onlys” present, begin by acknowledging the systems that excluded you. Invite someone unfamiliar with the environment. Yield the floor to a quiet voice. Influence isn't about rank; it's about action. And upon achieving leadership roles—as many of you will—recall that your presence is valid. The challenge is that such spaces haven't historically accommodated individuals like you. Claim your rightful place.
“Firsts” are milestones, not finish lines. What matters is what we change once we get there—and how many more can follow.
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